Why Regular Massage Is Beneficial for Your Emotional Health
It's just a normal Tuesday evening and you're getting your semi-regular massage. Your neck has been hurting from the stress of work and the therapist is hitting all the right spots.
You take a deep breath to sink further into this relaxed state when all of a sudden you feel an irresistible urge to yell at the therapist.
Your shoulders tense, your breath stops, and you have a sudden flash of your boss telling you your job performance is lacking.
What the hell?
You let out a breath and try to shake it off.
The therapist presses on that knot again and there it is - the desire to do bodily harm for causing pain as your boss's smug face looms in your vision.
Of course you don't scream or hit your therapist - you'd like to come back because they help relax you - usually.
But why do you feel so angry?
You squirm rather than scream, and the therapist asks if the pressure is too much and thankfully moves to another area. The rest of the session goes by without a hitch - you even fall asleep for a bit - and you leave feeling better. But you wonder on the drive home why you felt so irritated.
You, my friend, were experiencing what we in the industry call an emotional release.
An emotional release is any time a pent-up emotion is forcefully being expressed - almost as if you have zero control over it. Usually crying, laughing, or feelings of intense anger are expressed - or not - if it would be inappropriate - and that can feel pretty scary not to mention confusing.
Because why are you having this feeling crop up in the middle of a relaxing massage?
The theory is that our emotions get stored in our bodies. (Now, this may be a foreign concept or maybe you just don't believe it. That’s okay. But it can, and does, happen.)
Think about this...you get into a fender bender, get a little whiplash, get treated, and don't think much of it once your body heals. Then you drive past the scene where it happened.
Did you tense up?
Did you become hyper aware of what the other drivers around you are doing?
My guess is you answered “YES”.
And now you're more stressed and your body has tensed up like you were just in the accident again.
What gives?
Any time our body experiences a trauma such as a car accident; maybe you trip and fall on some ice; your boss is a jerk (you get the idea) - our bodies store these away for later use - it logs the experience - so we know what is dangerous to our well-being so we’ll avoid situations like that in the future.
Not to mention our bodies are fairly fragile when injured or under stress and, unless actively healed, will hold onto these new patterns formed from a traumatic event.
So, once we’re in a non-threatening, safer environment - like a massage room - our bodies and minds need to get rid of the trapped emotions.
That’s all great to know WHY this happens but what do you do if you find yourself in this potentially awkward situation of wanting to sob uncontrollably because your partner is upset with you and you’re just trying to get your tight calves worked on?
First of all, RELAX. The emotion, which is really just energy in motion (e=energy and motion=well, motion) will subside. Your massage therapist most likely was taught this could happen while in training and has probably had it happen before.
So...just breathe deep and relax. You can express the emotion or you can log it away for later, and maybe on the drive home express the emotion however you see fit.
The point here is to express it - hopefully in a healthy and safe way so it doesn’t get avoided again.
Massaging the soft tissues or stretching through a tense, even painful, pose can trigger the stored emotions to release. For some, this may never happen - or it'll pop up a few days later when you're not focused on a relaxing massage OR the problem.
And all of a sudden you have the urge to cry.
Or laugh.
Or yell and stomp around.
(Obviously there are more than three emotions and you could feel any, or a mixture; I'm using three common ones for the purpose of examples.)
So let it out appropriately and work through the emotion. There are a multitude of healthy ways to process this emotional release.
If you're in a massage, you can express it by crying, laughing, etc. You can also talk about what you're feeling if you and your therapist are comfortable with that.
Your massage therapist may trigger an emotional release with the massage work, and part of their job is to help you feel safe to express the emotion or not. They can listen, offer empathy, and explain what might be happening, but they cannot offer advice or counseling services.*
If you don’t feel comfortable sharing this experience with your massage therapist, here are a few other ways you can process any emotions that come up:
*Talk Therapy
If you feel you can't work the issue out on your own, talking with a therapist can be beneficial. They are unbiased and can help you work through issues in a healthy, safe environment. If you're in the U.S., check out Counselor Find on the National Board for Certified Counselors website to find a board certified counselor in your area.
*Meditation
A simple practice like daily meditation can create a feeling of calmness and help you feel centered. A regular practice can give you benefits of clearer thinking and an overall feeling of wellness and best thing is, it's free!
*Exercise
Exercising is a fantastic way to process emotions. A good cardio workout, weightlifting, or yoga can release pent-up emotions, and it will also release endorphins, which are those "feel-good" hormones we hear so much about that help you feel better after exercising. As you're working out, imagine the stress from the emotion leaving your body. Rinse and repeat as often as necessary.
*Talk Therapy (but with a friend)
If professional therapy isn't your cup of tea, or it’s not in your budget, talking about the emotion with someone you trust like a supportive friend, loved one, or mentor can be a good option. They may even provide a different perspective to help you see things in a new light.
*Take It To the Source (if safe and appropriate)
If you feel it would be well-received, talk about the incident causing you distress with the person, or persons, that caused the issue. Maybe there was a miscommunication and clearing the air with the person at fault can bring more clarity and closure quicker than not talking with them. But use caution. If this will cause more harm than good then definitely steer clear of this tactic and try the other suggestions.
*Sit With the Feeling
Much like meditation, take a quiet moment, or a few, to be still and just feel the emotion. Feel where it is in your body. Acknowledge how and why you are feeling this way. Too often we bury our emotions or feel ashamed for having them. Even just saying "I am human and this hurts and that’s okay to hurt," can be very healing in itself.
*Journaling
One of my favorite ways of dealing with a tough emotion is to journal about it. The act of writing can be very cathartic and can help you get your jumbled thoughts out. Plus it can be for your eyes only if it's a sensitive issue. A win-win in my book.
So, how often should you get massaged to help with emotional releases? At the risk of sounding vague, I will say that all depends on you. No one has that answer but you. A feeling may come and go in one session and you never feel it again. Deeper emotions - ones that are more complex or are entangled with, say, childhood or young adult experiences, may take more time to process and need more support using the techniques suggested above.
Your massage therapist is also a good resource to ask how often they suggest getting massages for this purpose. A regular massage (at least once a month) is a terrific routine for physical health and that may be enough to work through any emotions that may come up for you.
Just remember, the emotion will pass - even the deeper, more complex emotions as long as you work on releasing them in a healthy way. Our bodies and minds will process until they peak then subside, like a storm. A storm doesn't rage forever and neither will the emotions.
*Quick side note: massage therapists are not licensed counselors, psychologists, or psychiatrists unless trained and licensed in those professions as well. Counseling a client, giving “homework" for anything other than physical stretches or techniques to help with muscle soreness or range of motion, is against our scope of practice, is unethical, and illegal. Please check state requirements if you feel a massage therapist has overstepped their boundaries and report them if necessary.
